And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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