when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
