Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize