it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
