I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
