i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
