I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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