I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
