Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
