It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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