So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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