I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
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Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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