A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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