so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
