words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
