I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
