So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
