Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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