then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.