I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?