we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
