he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
