i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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