I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Pooping to opera.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
