omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
