I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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