I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
