Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
