new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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