that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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