Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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