I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize