remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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