If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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