i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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