then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Couch. On fire.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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