Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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