why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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