epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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