Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
