I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
