Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
