K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
