Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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