So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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