I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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