she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
