dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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