My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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