Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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