I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
