the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
