shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
