I can tuck mytits in my pants
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
