she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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