no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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