be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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