it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
