I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So squirting runs in the family.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
