we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
