there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
