We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm like, not good at living.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
