Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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