big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
