some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
