I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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