There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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