i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
