i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
